Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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