When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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