I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize