i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
