He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
