Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
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