she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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