Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Randomize