u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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