Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
