TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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