What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
