so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
