Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
