I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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