I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
