I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize