sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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