Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
