hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
