Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
