Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
bring money and cleavage
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize