Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Randomize
