They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I am available for nakedness
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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