I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
