ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
