Yo dont text me then not text me
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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