What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
