Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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