i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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