If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
