do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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