I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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