and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
