She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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