you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
