you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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