Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Blood and glitter go together right?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Boobs are out for the taking
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize