If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
