Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
