were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
