She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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