I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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