Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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