My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
