i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
he fucked my hip out of place.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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