dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
