If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
