when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize