it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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