You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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