If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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