I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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