Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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