when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I made him laugh his dick is mine
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize