But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Randomize
