I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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