you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
