Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize