It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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