I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
