Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Randomize
