I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Randomize
