you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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