Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize