I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I looked at my own cervix.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
