So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
