What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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