so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
