He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
