he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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